I Don't Believe In God, I think
I'm a Vampire
 By
Dean Weber, Chaplain, Mary Kendall Campus
Marianne was sitting across the desk
from me. “I
don’t
believe in God, I think I am a vampire," she said with cool confidence,
as if she were simply informing me that she was a ninth-grader.
Marianne explained two good reasons for her belief. First, vampires are
loners who stay on the fringe of society. And second, vampires are forced to
become vampires...they have no choice what is done to them. Marianne felt that
her life was being directed and controlled by everyone else but her. Marianne
was so sure, she also tried to look like a vampire. She was slender and pale-skinned.
She wore flowing black clothes with lots of metalwork, straps, and studwork.
Marianne had arrived at the Children's Home after a tragic series of events
occurred in her life. Her mother had been found murdered by an unknown
assailant; her best friend in school had died of a rare blood disease;
and two of her classmates were killed in a car wreck—all occurring
within 18 months of her arrival at the Children's Home. Marianne had suffered
through an enormous amount of loss.
These events left her unable to cope with life and uncontrollable at
school.
Marianne’s family provided little logical help in her anguish. Her
household practiced multiple religious and pagan beliefs, superstitions and
unusual worship. Her grandmother, whom she considered the most stable person
in her life, was a Wiccan. She spent her evenings in the backyard swaying
under the moonlight—worshipping
nature Gods. Her step-grandfather insisted that his tribal native-American
tongue be spoken in the home. He took their family annually to a Pow-Wow,
where Marianne learned their Native-American rituals. And the family attended
an Evangelical conservative church on Sunday mornings and Wednesday evenings.
Her family’s beliefs offered no comfort nor gave her a clear understanding
about life. She had little hope for the future. Marianne was distraught and
confused.“Everyone I have cared for has died, ” Marianne continued, “or
has been taken away from me. I only know God as harsh and judgmental and
I don’t
see that God's ever been there for me." Tears filled her eyes.
“Offer me something that makes sense,” Marianne said, looking directly
at me, “and I’ll be happy to listen. I feel like I am an outsider
and have no direction or control over my life and everyone else gets to tell
me what to do. Show me something that I CAN use to make my life better.”
“Okay. Let me tell you about something that DOES make sense,” I said
while opening the Bible to the new testament book of John. Together, we read
about Jesus and God. I began to explain three important concepts: First God's
love and grace given even when we don't feel deserving. Second, sin is human
and no one is perfect. And God gave us free will, to make choices in our
life.
“Can we meet again, soon?” Marianne said, after a few minutes of
discussion about the opening passages of John’s gospel. This time,
I heard hope in her voice.
"Sure," I told her. We would meet frequently to talk about her life
and God’s place in it. She smiled.
Many of our youth today are seeking answers. They don't know
what to believe. At the United Methodist Children's Home, we
offer spiritual comfort and direction. We strive to teach them
about God’s unshakable foundation of love and
wisdom to help them make sense out of their chaotic world. I thank God for
bringing Marianne to us, especially at this time in her life.
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