Connecting with adolescents at Christmas
The Amazon catalog came in the mail last week and I hesitated to show it to my preschool age daughter. She will pour over it like her dad and I did as children with the Sears catalog—circling her favorites, dreaming of opening the toys she circled and playing with them on Christmas morning.
Christmas is a time full of wonder for children. In addition to the anticipation of receiving gifts, they are enamored with the colorful light displays and blowup figures in the neighborhood, special foods, school parties and programs, and helping the adults decorate the home.
When our college-aged son was a teenager, he would also spend an incredible amount of time on fine tuning his wish list, only the gifts were fewer in number and greater in cost, and he was less interested in spending time looking at lights or decorating the house.
As a family it became increasingly important to reign in the “wants” of the Christmas season and focus more on the authenticity of it. When the wonder transitions into the wants of the season, we can feel disconnected.
As children transition into adolescence toward adulthood, this disconnect can seem to grow wider. We miss seeing the excitement of children opening long awaited gifts and viewing the twinkling light displays. We miss the delight on their faces; the innocent joy at the simple aspects of life.
Ultimately, what we long for is connection with each other, no matter the age. Reimagining connection with adolescents helps us recapture the meaning of Christmas.
In the joyful experiences of gathering, adolescents, though not likely to say so, are also seeking meaning and authenticity at Christmastime and throughout the year. They are often noticing the seeming disconnect between modern Christmas traditions, the original nativity story and the realities of life. In their quest to find meaning, they may outwardly discount the simple joys of childhood and exchange it for finding meaning through social relationships, their peers also walking the bridge between childhood and adulthood.
Here are a few ways to find connection this holiday season:
-Invite them to join or help in preparations, but allow them to observe from the sidelines. A simple invitation can show you care.
-Share the meaning behind a tradition so they can begin to connect with it.
-Recognize their individualism. Ask open-ended questions to draw out areas of interest and their perspective.
-Listen, allow space for them to speak…or not.
-Be authentically yourself. Adolescents tend to have a good read on when people are putting on a persona not their own. For example, there’s no need to learn a bunch of slang. Maybe ask them to teach you something.
